Monday, February 20, 2012

Killing Your Pet

I am a dog person, no contest. Cats are so...arrogant. A cat does not need you, and they make sure you know it. They will not come when you call, but they will come and sit on your face while you are sleeping. But a dog, there is an animal that understands what it means to be needed. Unfortunately, they also seem to have no ability to see the bigger picture sometimes, and by sometimes I mean ever. They are forever stuck in the role of total anxiety and fear of loss. Perhaps in this respect, dogs could take a lesson from the cat’s book on being a jerk cat. More specifically, a dog could learn to not be so darn needy.

Often times in relationships we observe a strange sort of power struggle between the two parties. At times this power may shift, but it also happens that one person is forever stuck in the role of "dog" if you will. This is to say that they remain extremely needy, while the other party stays cool and aloof.

I once fell hard for a guy who I thought was just the Bee's knees. I pretty much loved everything about him, and even though my family and many of my friends weren't too keen on him, I still had a desire to peruse something long-term with him. It's interesting, because I would have to say that, in General, I have dated guys that have been more of the needy party, and I more aloof. I have my theories on this but they can wait for another time. So for me to find myself in a situation where I was so worried and anxious over a guy, was sort of a new sensation for me. Unfortunately, it did not end well; and why? A big part of it I have to chalk up to the fact that I killed my pet, (figuratively speaking) with my insecurities.

We've all been there. It all goes back to that one, or maybe several individuals that for some reason, we just lose all power to. We may think we are the Cats pajamas the moment before they walk into our lives, but the second we see even the possibility of a relationship with them, we become spineless quivering bowls of green Jell-O. These people are Kryptonite to our self-esteem, not because they treat us poorly per say, but because we just want them soooooooo badly.

It's all peaches and cream to date somebody who you are just sort "meh" about. We've all done it. I call them "in the mean timers", and while they are perfectly decent people, we find ourselves slow dancing with them while surveying the crowd for something or someone different. Keeping your cool, however, goes straight out the window once you meet your Kryptonite. It's almost like you become an entirely different person. When once you found yourself to be a cool and aloof kitty, you now find yourself staring at your phone for hours on end, waiting for them to text or call or something! You start to read into crap that has no more meaning than its surface appearance. You become paranoid about every word that comes out of your mouth. You just know that if you can only be the kind of person you imagine that they would want, then you will be able to win the heart and the love of your desires.

But more often than not, what you in reality end up doing are turning them off entirely. It's nice to be wanted, it's exhausting to be hounded. And after a while, a person who is dating someone who seems to need their continuous validation in order to even function, may find themselves feeling more like a therapist or proxy parent rather than a partner.

So what is the lesson to be learned here? Are we to become cold and unfeeling? Is the answer to only date people who you feel superior to? Of course not. Being stupid infatuated with someone is a great feeling, and part of what makes relationships worth pursuing. But there does need to be a balance, or maybe better put, awareness on both ends. And if you find yourself in a situation where you can feel yourself going "full dog", it might be wise to take a step back and remind yourself that you were a living breathing thriving human being before you met this person, and you will still be a living breathing thriving individual if they were to go away.

So relax a little. I know it's scary to be alone, or to think that you might possibly spend the rest of your life companionless. But I also believe that it is that fear and anxiety and yes, even lack of perspective, that drive us to the kind of actions that will ultimately bring to pass the very thing we are so afraid of. Simply put, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You killed your pet.

To thine own self be true, and if the person you want doesn’t want you for who you truly are, then consider yourself lucky to be free to find someone who will. After all, that insecure, anxious little puppy isn’t who you really are anyway; you, are a cat. Now go forth and find yourself another cool cat like yourself to share a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with. Oh wait....Ah well.

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