Thursday, February 23, 2012

MORE Observations of an Anxious White Virgin

Observations of an Anxious White Virgin

*You have to read this introduction in a British accent...because that's how I hear it in my head*

And now, time for another installment of Observations of an Anxious White Virgin. Do enjoy.

Observation 2

There is no such thing as an original thought.

I have recently returned to college to obtain that elusive Bachelors Degree that seems to be mandatory in order for me to get a job selling jeggings at The Gap.  Apparently, being personable and relatively good looking just doesn't cut it anymore...tragic. But, what cha gonna do? Go back to school, that's what!

So here I am, attending The University, and trying my darnedest to fit in with the sea of fresh faced 18 to 24 year olds. I actually love college in a lot of ways. I love learning about topics that legitimately interest me, and I even enjoy my bat-crap-crazy professors. However, there is one thing I do NOT love, in fact, I have grown to regard it as one of my arch nemeses, along with fruit and nesting chairs. I am speaking of APA format writing and specifically, citations.

Don't get me wrong, I fully endorse the notion that if you rip your entire essay of the Internet, you deserve to get tossed right out on your rump, but I think that we have become just a titch bit...shall we say...extreme...in our criteria. For example: I am asked to write a philosophy paper on any given topic, and I share what I believe to be a personal opinion or philosophy, later I come to find that some white bearded Plato from a billion years ago happened to conclude the same things I did. But because he thought it first, he deserves the credit, and if I don't give him his dues, then I am up a creek. But what if I had never read the words of this theorist? Is it not possible that, we, as two very logic and reasoning human beings just happened to arrive at the same conclusion independent of each other?

Take it a step further, I am fairly confident that these great minds that we find ourselves crediting for their brilliant insights, may not have been the first humans to think their respective thoughts, they were merely the first ones to get credit for it. So what is to be done? It seems like a rabbit hole with no bottom. But fear not readers! I, your very own Anxious White Virgin has come up with a solutions for what ails you. It is so simple and yet so deep that you will wonder why you never thought of it yourself. Are you ready? Ok, here you go...

God.

That's right. God. Whenever you find yourself having to cite a reference for a quote, thought, idea, theory, and so on, all you need do is insert this in text,

"Something something, thought thought thought". (God, *symbol for infinity*).

And there you go! Not convinced? Well here is my logic behind it:

If all men were created by God, and if God is source of all things, including thought, then no human living or passed has ever had a thought that God did not have first. Truly, anything you have thought He has thought better, and sooner I might add. Therefore, if we really want to get nit-picky about giving credit where credit is due, then all  credit for all thought must be given to the man upstairs. I don't know about you, but I am certainly looking forward to writing my papers now. My reference page is going to be cake.

References

God

You're Welcome!

*Disclaimer: The following solution is not intended for use by the following individuals: Atheist or any individual that does not subscribe to the idea of an eternal mind or being as the source of all life and/or thought* You are gonna have to cite the old fashioned way. Doh!

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