Monday, April 16, 2012

Nobody Wants to Marry a Cartoon



















Have you ever been told that you look just like this celebrity or that celebrity? I have a good friend who is a dead ringer for Liv Tyler, beautiful girl. And even though when people say things like this, they just be being polite or trying to pick up on you. Still, it is very flattering when a handsome stranger tells you that you remind them of their Hollywood crush. After all, what person wouldn't want to meet the clone of their favorite star? I myself day dream about meeting a Shawn Ashmore look-a-like, who happens to also be a card carryin' Mormon boy. Chances are though, even if I were to meet such a man, he would almost certainly NOT be interested in dating me. Why? Because though we love to watch em, nobody wants to MARRY a living breathing cartoon character, which is apparently exactly what I am.

When I was just a wee lass I had myself a fair share of crushes. But it might surprise you to know that several of these crushes, if not the majority, were on cartoon or fictional characters. For example, Peter Pan, Captain Planet, The White Ranger, One of the Gargoyles, and All of the Ninja Turtles. However, since I was 8 years old at the time, I think we can chalk it up to childhood silliness and not delusional psychosis.

Childhood infatuations aside, it would appear that while everyone else is getting told they look like Liv Tyler and Megan Fox (I still don't get the appeal there), and that chick from Firefly, I am being showered with such connections as, The Mom from the Incredibles, Japanese Anime, and of course the most popular and often heard choice, Astrid from How to Train Your Dragon (pictured above).  If I had a nickle for every time someone pointed out this similarity, I would be able to comfortably keep myself in penny candy for a LONG time. Ironically however, it would seem that my face, though perfectly suited for animated females, is hugely successful for movies, and epically repugnant for prospective suitors. Unless you count anyone who would attend Comic-Con...and I don't.

If the physical similarity wasn't enough to send them screaming for a realty TV show, then my line of work seems to be enough to cause full blown Bond Girl Binges.  I am an actor, but ironically, or not so much, I am never cast as the leading lady or the beauty that the boys fall over themselves to be with, NOPE, more typically, I can be found playing the comedic relief in the form of the old woman with lentil bean bag breasts, or the ruff and tumble tom-boy who couldn't tell couture from cobalt. I'm not complaining about my parts mind you. I love to make people laugh, and I've been told I am not half bad at it. I am one of only a handful of women in Utah that is invited to play with the local professional Improv troops, and feel confident in holding my own against the men folk. I use to think that guys would admire a girl who was quick witted and could keep of in a verbal jousting match....buuuuuuttttttttt now I'm thinking that I might have been wrong. Apparently, I'm too clever for my own good, apparently I am too good at being one of the boys; not even my bosoms seem to compensate now. (My real ones, not the lentil bags).

At any rate, I'm proud of my accomplishments in the world of comedy and character work, even if it is only in Utah. The little niche I have carved out for myself suites me just fine on a strictly artistic level, but as you might have guessed from my earlier comments, it hasn't brought much interest in way of romantic inclinations. Can't say as though I blame them though....lentil bean bag breasts are probably not the most enticing of visions. I guess I just wish that men could look past the lentils and straight to my face.....which looks like a 12 year old cartoon viking.....I'm screwed.

Maybe Captain Planet is still available.

10 comments:

  1. First off your first cartoon crushes Peter Pan, Captain Planet, and the White Ranger I think are gay so maybe thats why they haven't been paying attention to you lately. Maybe all those dates to the mall may be an indication. Second, Astrid is a good comparison she's cool, strong and independent. You were never compared to "the ugly guy from Armageddon" like I was once. Third, you can hold your own when it comes to the boys in the improv world which I think is kinda sexy. Fourth, I let win you survivor ;)

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    1. HA! Touche' ....and the whole gay link has actually got me thinking. I must prefer more gentle and/or non threatening men. I am going to have to review my whole dating history now! And and by the way.....lies are not a flattering color on you ;) You want a rematch???

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  2. You look like Melissa Joan Hart. I always thought she was pretty stunning. I'd ask if you'd settle for a Mike Shinoda, but I'm not a Mormon. Shame. Ah well, there's bound to be someone out there for me, too!

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    1. Can we at least be facebook friends????

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    2. Oh, I dunno. My Facebook's filled with all kinds of questionable stuff like dubstep videos and- actually, after perusing my Facebook wall, it's considerably less offensive than I thought it was. Yeah, okay, we can be FB friends.

      http://www.facebook.com/tehpwneruvu

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  3. Hey don't dismiss the guys from comic con. I know a lot of great guys who just happen to be a bit geeky. I for one married one of those guys that attends anime conventions. Of course to be fair so do I :D

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    1. I agree. I have met some great guys who like the comics too! My comment was more tounge n' cheek.

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  4. Moral of the story: It's time to hit up Comic-Con, Mrs. Incredible.

    (I was going to make a joke about The Shredder saying ”Tonight I dine on lentil soup,” but that just seemed inappropriate.)

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  5. If not Comic-Con, you could put together a black widow outfit and come down to the district to help out with the Avengers Movie.

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  6. Oh Lentil Boobs... dont' actually miss those< especially the one night that my right one sprung a leak in the dressing room. So for the rest of the run I was droopy AND Lop-sided. I future prediction perhaps (shutter) lets hop not. I gotta 'nough to worry about.
    Love you though!

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