Monday, July 30, 2012

Why you got to hate?




While recording this weeks Articles of News for The Cultural Hall, I was informed that a certain reality TV star and fellow virgin who shall remain nameless... but who is named after a semi-famous brand of peanut butter that isn't Jiff or Peter pan or Adams, sent a rather cutting email about me to our program director. I can't recall the exact words, but I remember it ended with the phrase, "If the glass slipper fits, then wear it princess."

Really? ......Really? Oh yeah...that just happened.

You know, I've had it up to hear (I'm gesturing to the top of my head) with mean people who hide behind their computer screens and text messages or even hate openly. I know, I know, I should just let it roll off my back, blah blah blah, I'm only giving them what they want, yes yes yes. But for once, I'm gonna speak my mind on the subject.

Say what you will about "sucking it up" and "growing a thicker skin", but the fact of the matter is, if there weren't so many mean, spiteful, vindictive people out there, then there would be no need for a thicker skin. If people would, oh...I don't know...TRY to treat other people with decency and common human respect then I would have no need to "toughen up". I tend to be a little cynical at times, but mostly because I see so many hateful individuals with mega-phones and it causes me to loose faith in the humanity just a skosh. And if I'm lobbing insults, it's usually in my own direction, (Have you read my blog?). And yes, call me an idealist, but I don't think that this is the same as saying if only I had a magical unicorn that pooped 1,000 dollar bills. It's not hard to NOT say that hurtful thing you feel like saying because its what? Funny? Quippy? Justified? Maybe they hated you first...oh well, by all means then...do proceed.

Or maybe your pride just got wounded because a girl who was trying to save you the time, money, emotional investment, effort, and so forth informed you that she wasn't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship because she is a decent person who doesn't want to lead you on like the hundreds of girls you sit around and complain about who DO lead you on only to break your heart when they knew darn well from the get go that they could never picture themselves being intimate with you, but gee, he is such a "good" guy so maybe I will give him chance because that is what "nice" girls do right? Only for some to then go on and marry said guy and then end up cheating on him because she married him for all of the wrong reasons to begin with and now he is bitter and jaded and doesn't trust women and yet still feels totally justified in ripping apart the one girl who had the integrity to say "I'm truly flattered, but no" when she knew the interest was not mutual on her end in order to NOT be one of "those" girls.

Longest sentence ever.

So to all my haters out there I promptly offer you my other cheek; do with it as you will. But know this, mean is not an attractive color on anyone. And while a girl might be able to overlook a few extra pounds or a lack of fashion sense, or two left feet, it is kind off hard to look past hatefulness.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theculturalhallpodcast.com%2F2012%2F07%2Farticles-of-newsweek-of-july-30th%2F&h=0AQGcYtLN

*The email is read at the beginning of the pod cast*

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Family Issued


Say what you will about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I know I have, and I still claim membership here. Though sometimes it feels a little like my Golds Gym membership. I just pay my monthly dues and then availeth myself not of its resources. My personal fitness hygiene aside, there is one thing the church seems to have figured out. And I am beginning to see just how right they are.

I am speaking of the Family, and it's critical importance in developing healthy functioning adults.

Like many, I was born into what would be considered a "traditional" family, complete with a Mother who stayed at home and raised us, a Father who worked in a job that afforded my Mother that opportunity, two dogs and a white picket fence. Ok, the bit about the fence isn't true, but the rest is truth. And like many others, my family was nowhere near the kind that we saw on the TV. For the sake of my families privacy, I won't go into the details; but let's just say, my home felt more like a war zone than a safe zone growing up. Eventually my parents would divorce and remarry and by all accounts, it appears that the second time is actually the charm. But these second marriages didn't happen until after I had moved out on my own, so even though it is nice to see them both in happier and healthier relationships, I never really got the benefit of being reared in this more peaceful environment.

I know people like to throw around the words "baggage" and "issues" a lot, but I think that is because everyone realizes on some level at least, that we are all screwed up in our own ways. Some more than others, relatively speaking, and some people's...shall we call them, "symptoms" are more obvious than others. That being said, I have known several individuals that have grown up in homes that would put Donna Reed to shame, and yet have still managed to mess up their lives purty gude. Though to be fair, I didn't grow up in those homes, and even if I did, it is possible that I could have come away from it with a totally different perspective as another of my siblings. It is for this reason that I have always been fascinated when siblings tell about their upbringings with such vast inconsistencies that you swear they must have been raised in two separate homes. Like I've said before though, reality is more relative then we give it credit for.

Also, I feel like I should mention non-traditional homes such as homes where there are 2 Moms or Dads or many Moms or maybe no Father or Mother at all, but instead an Aunt or Grandparent and so on. I am not expert in this field, and I think that we are still young in the area of same-sex child rearing couples to be able to speak with any sort of confidence on the matter. That being said, I tend to think that there is an argument to be made when it comes to if it wouldn't be better for a child to grow up in a loving same-sex home, rather that being flushed through the system only to be dumped out onto the street at age 18. Nevertheless, I am going to focus on the traditional family, though at the core, as long as all the elements are there, that is what matters most. I'm not saying it can't be accomplished through any of the non-traditional routes. But I do feel confident in saying that there seem to be better ways than others.

Men; have you ever met a girl who's only purpose in life seemed to be gaining the attention of men? Maybe you have dated such women. I'm guessing it kinda sucked because even though you were in a relationship, she still seemed to have an unquenchable need to be seen, chased, and desired by other men? The cliche way of putting this is that she has "Daddy issues". Ever wonder why things become cliches? One more thing; does it seem like you are meeting more and more girls like this these days? Does anyone else find this suspect in relation to the number of us that have come from "broken" homes? Just a thought.

So what happens when a child grows up in an environment where he or she isn't getting the love or attention or validation that they need? You guesses it, they grow up to be adults with "Daddy issues" and "Commitment issues" and "Intimacy issues" and on and on and on. We need not sit around and waste time wondering why there seem to be so many more people with issues these days. And this isn't me talking, this is psychology 101, right down to Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Children need to feel safe, provided for, and most importantly, loved. If any of the ingredients are missing, then that cake ain't gonna raise just right.

What must be frustrating to parents (mine included I'm positive), is that they may feel like they ARE loving their child. And true, they may be loving their child the way they the parent think is optimal, but it may not be translating to their unique and individual child. Just because the child came from you doesn't mean the child thinks, desires, or has the same distinct love needs as you do. I feel confident in saying this because there are literally hundreds of books out there that try to teach people how to discover and subsequently give the desired love to his or her partner. Is is so far fetched then to believe that what is true with two unique romatic partners could be true of two unique children?

Granted, there are some practices that are simply positive or negative no matter where your love tastes fall on the spectrum. Physical abuse as a way of motivation, I would categorize as "less-effective" parenting. Whereas, telling your child how much you love them (and meaning it) would generally be classified as "more-effective" parenting.
One of the biggest problems I have seen, is when the parent is either unwilling or unable to love their child the way the child so desperately needs to be loved. This can be due to anything from selfishness or a refusal to alter in anyway on the parents side, to something as simple as they just plain don't know how. But indeed, not knowing how is not the same as not being able to learn how. And here we hit the heart of it once again. Pride.

Let me state, I have never been a mother, though I feel as though many times as a child, it fell upon me to act as a Mother figure to my younger siblings. This is meant as no disrespect to my own mother, but is merely a reflection of my perceived duties as the eldest girl. And while I have never been a parent, I did have parents, and I have friends and siblings who are now parents. And I believe, though I could very well be wrong, that nothing I have said today should be disregarded simply because I have no "real" experience on the subject. Like I said, this isn't rocket science. Rest assured, I will most likely screw up my own children who will then go on to write seething blogs in tribute to my epic failure.

I may have never had to raise a child who befuddled me with their unique personalities and needs, but I have been that child. I see those children every day. Kids who seem like they belonged in other families for as much as they fit into their own. Sensitive spirits that for whatever reason, require an extra helping of love, patience and acceptance. When I see parents who self their own pride and at least attempt to approach their child at their level, it gives me hope for that child. Sadly though, it seems that all too often the child is left to feel like they are broken in some fundamental way. Not that they are simply different, but rather, that they are simply wrong. This is dangerous soil to try and thrive in, the least result of all of these being a rather anxious individual.

Let me end by saying this last thing. The last thing I want you to take from this post is that I believe my parents are bad or evil people. This is simply not the case. My parents are both good people who I believe did what they probably believed was best or right.  They are merely human, like I am merely human. They mess up, I mess up. They were adults when I was learning at their feet, and now, I am the adult. They had their agency and now I have mine. With no disrespect or accusation intended can I honestly say that I would have preferred a different kind of childhood? Yes. But so could thousands of others, and there is no use in dwelling in the past or being so bitter about it that you allow it to destroy your life. What it does mean, however, is that if you recognize in your own life or childhood or parents something that could lead you to repeat this cycle, then it becomes your responsibility to do so. If that means therapy, then get over yourself and your pride and do it. If that means cutting ties with toxic people, and I would include in this, parents, siblings and so forth, then that is what you need to do. Think about it, you are doing them no favors by sticking around and adding hate to hate and cut to cut.

And to this I would add, everyone needs to be and feel loved. Beware lest you try to fill this gapping hole left in your heart from childhood with a peg that was never meant to fit. You might find that it distracts for a moment, but like how each lock is meant for it's own specific key, each heart is meant for it's own specific love. Accept no substitutes, or else you will never truly feel full.

I guess what I am saying is....avoid the Chinese Foods of Love.




I'll never let go Jack...and Mark...and Steve..

I have been told that I might have a slight issue with control. Strange....for someone who is such a "control freak" to constantly feel like control is the absolute last thing that they have in abundence. But really, that might be the point. Are any of us really in control of anything? Or are some of us just better at laboring under the delusion of being in control? Of course, it would be much simpler to just attribute all of our sucesses to our own hard work and stick-to-it-ness, and all of our failure to God.  My favorite form of God logic is when I hear people say that God literally must hate them, because x,y, or z is not going the way they want it to, or they are experiencing some sort of trial. Now, the way I see it, it seems much more likely that if God does indeed exist, that He is totally uninterested in you and your life, as opposed to purposely singling you out for suffering. What makes you so special that God in all of His Godly responsibilities and what not, is going to take the time and effort to go out of his way to make your life miserable? By this same logic, God must hate of those starving kids in all of those 3rd world countries too right? But I seem to have gotten off topic yet again; where was I?

Oh yes, Control.

I have realized something about myself that maybe some of you might relate with. Along with this unrelenting need to control every single aspect of my life, I also have the darndest time letting things go. This apparent in many areas of my life; from my pack-rat like behaviors, to my inability to throw away food I don't finish, and most especially, this applies to people.

Just to clarify, there have been some individuals in my life who I have had zero trouble cutting right out. Though, to be fair, in the past, I probably would have danced around the the cutting for a while before actually doing it. Normally the slow fade was my best course of action. Or the method of sticking my fingers in my ears, closing my eyes and chanting La La La La La ...If I can't see you then you don't exist. Wow, my relationship with God is starting to make a lot more sense.

Aside from the extreme cases,

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Thousand Lifetimes




Several years back I dated a boy who I was very much in love with. Well...I thought I was. Let's say "Love" as I understood it at the time. Unfortunately, as per usual, it did not work out. However, since we are both actors, we have remained in each others lives at least in the professional sense, and there has always remained this unspoken and sometimes spoken (mostly text) feeling of...."Hey...do you ever wonder about us and what could have been?"

Well not too long ago I ran into this fella and he said something very interesting to me. He told me that he wished that he could have a thousand lifetimes to live. To be clear, he didn't mean he wanted to live a thousand lifetimes back to back to back like some sort of 3 Nephite Vampire...Mmmmmmm Nephite Vampire......Er...um...What he meant was that he wished that he could live his own lifetime a thousand times. When I asked him why, he told me that he would use each of those lifetimes to be with people who it had not worked out with for whatever reason.

Now at first, I was rather insulted by this remark. Understand, there has been ample opportunity for this guy to "try again" with me, but he chose to pursue other options and is now in a serious and committed relationship. So when he said he would use one of his "other" lives for me, it came across as a sort of...Not good enough for the one life I have, but good enough to spend 1 of 1000 lives with. How flattering. But suppressing my urge to guffaw in his face, I took a moment and did some introspection. And you know what I realized? I kinda agree with him.

The reality is, we only have one lifetime on this earth. Certainly we can make a choice about a person, change our minds, and in a way, start a new and different lifetime with someone else. It's called divorce, and it seems to be all the rage these days.

I do wonder though...

What if you had the ability to live a thousand lifetimes; each with a different person. Or maybe just 50 lifetimes, or 20, or 10, or 2...

Is there someone or someone(s) in your life that you would find today and start the life you were afraid to try for before? Or maybe you met them after the were already taken. Maybe you were young and stupid when you let them go and now they belong to someone else. Maybe you never got up the courage to tell them how you felt. Maybe you felt like it was pointless to try because they were a different faith, or not the right fit for your lifestyle. Maybe family and friends stood in the way with their disapproval. Maybe you allowed you pride, or your fear to ruin what you had. Maybe your were just afraid....

You were afraid because you realize that you don't have a 1,000 or 50 or even 2 lifetimes. You only have one. It's like going into a field of beautiful flowers knowing that you can only pick one. But what if you knew that you could experience every flower in the garden, each in its entirety.

But here is the question; do you think it is possible that you are so worried about picking the "wrong" flower, that you have become incapable of picking any flower at all?

If I had a thousand lifetimes
I would give one of those to you
But I only have one lifetime to give
And for that...you will not do

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

6 Impossible Things

"Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

-Alice in Wonderland-


I dare say I have grown a bit cynical in my old age.  Though I wan to believe that fairies and dragons and democracy exists, I sadly find it extremely difficult to lie to myself regarding such nonsense anymore. 

But then sometimes, something happens that makes you wonder....Could it be? Could such things really exist? Are such things even....possible?

The other day, a good friend of mine and her boyfriend were visiting me at my apartment. At one point, my friend stepped away and her boyfriend said to me, "By the way, I brought you and your roommates some doughnuts, but I guess you need to hide them because *insert his girlfriends name here* doesn't want to be tempted them".

Now, I don't know this guy very well, but I can tell you that he is a fit and attractive young man who, I imagine, wouldn't have any problem with the ladies. Understand, my friend is a pretty gal, but she is not the stereo-typical barbie doll you might imagine a guy like this would go after. In GENERAL, it is more rare to see a "more" attractive guy with a "less" attractive girl then it is the other way around. Guys, in my experience, tend to be more critical of the physical appearance of the women they are dating.  This is why the diet and plastic surgery industries will never struggle to feed their children. 

In short, attractive fit men are attracted to attractive fit women....right? No handsome toned male is going to be attracted to a women with a few extra pounds to give, or some junk in the trunk, or some extra wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle in the thighs. Right?

I mean, obviously, if he is already married to the girl then he isn't going to say anything, though sometimes he does. No, he will simply cease being sexually attracted to her even though he still "loves" her. I get it, we are all superficial creatures right? Right?

So of course I assumed that what he was trying to imply about the dough-not, was that he was "supporting" her in not eating the junk food because, truth be told, he wanted her thinner more than she did. Jerk. Typical man. Fits right in with my belief. The world makes sense. I'm right.

But then, and to to my amazement, he turned to me and added with an sincerity that was unexpected from such a casual acquaintance, "I wish she would just eat whatever she wanted. I think she is beautiful! But she doesn't believe me, she thinks that I am lying when I tell her that I am attracted to her just the way she is."

It's a good thing he didn't hang out to see my reaction, because I woulda looked a fool with my jaw on the ground and all.

Impossible thing #1

It is possible for an attractive, normal, straight, fit, intelligent man to genuinely be attracted to a "normal" girl. Not all men are expecting porn stars or physical perfection. SOME are, I've met them. They are plentiful and outspoken and maybe that is what brought me to believe the way I did. But even if they are the majority, it doesn't then mean that there isn't still a minority out there that aren't a bunch of superficial so and so's.

You mean.....it's possible that a man that I would be physically attracted to would also be legitimately physically attracted to me?....Cellulite and all? Thick thighed and wrinkled forehead me? Really? Really?

I want to be a believer.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Give it a listen




http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theculturalhallpodcast.com%2F2012%2F07%2Farticles-of-newsweek-of-july-16th%2F&h=wAQGUBavb


So I know that there are those out there that are dying to know what my speaking voice actually sounds like. Well wonder no longer!

For those who aren't aware, I am involved with a project that is near and dear to my heart and growing in popularity.  My good friend Richie T, who gained status from his work on the X96 Radio From Hell Show, started a website/podcast/media hub called The Cultural Hall. It is geared towards "All things Mormon", but not in a stuffy kind of Sunday school way.

We talk about real topics like gays in the church and members who are making a real difference in the world. Once a week we do The Articles of News where we discuss the current news stories of the day, Mormon style. Even if you aren't Mormon, I think you will get a good chuckle from these.

We are also always on the look out for new topics and new and interesting people to interview. Some of our past guest have been people such  as  Kirby Heyborn, (The Singles Ward, The 3 Stooges)Richard Dutcher (Gods Army), Former members of the church who left because of different reason, An LDS sex therapist, and the list goes on.

We are also looking to make the podcast even more extensive. There is even talk of giving yours truly her own little spot, maybe ask a sort of "Ask a..." sort of thing. But in order to do that, I need you to listen and then spread the word like wild fire! How do you do that? Simple!!

Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/RichieTSteadman/posts/387840474612868?ref=notif&notif_t=close_friend_activity#!/theculturalhall

The Website
http://www.theculturalhallpodcast.com/

You can also follow us on Twitter and download podcasts from Itunes. To get you started, I have posted the link to this weeks Articles of News at the top of the page. Come listen to my melodic voice!

Show some love!!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Give Boots the BOOT!





As many of you may know, I recently moved to Orem and am living in student housing.  For those of you who are unaware, the Orem/Provo area of Utah is home to a highly dense student population. Both literal and figurative connotations apply here.  Because of this, you can't hardly toss a jellybean without hitting a student housing complex.  These complexes range in size and quality, but there are a few things they all seem to have in common:

1. They squeeze as many people as they can into the tiny spaces available while still charging an arm, a leg, your first born, your left kidney, and a duck. For example, a 3 bedroom apartment will have 6 girls living there, all sharing rooms and all using one bathroom.

2. Most do not have washer/dryers. But they will be glad to rip you off with their ancient tub-and-wash-board quality coin operated fossils in the common area. Only $5 a load! What a steal!!

3. They will absolutely hang you out to dry when it comes to a deposit.  "So it's a $350.00 deposit". Ok, so when I move out, assuming I haven't caused any damage to the property during one of my epic night terrors, I will get all of my deposit back right? "Yes, all but $175 of it." WHAT? What the hell gives you the right to keep $175 of my deposit? "We use it to clean your room and bathroom after you leave." Are you freaking kidding me?? Look here, how about this, you give me ALL of my deposit back except for $30, and I will find you a very nice lady who speaks decent English who will do an amazing job.

4. Most complexes hire a 3rd party "security" company to monitor the premises and provide surveillance and peace of mind for their tenants. Translation: The hire a bunch a belligerent jerks to boot your car whenever they get the chance. And then when you call them to explain why the boot was perhaps unfairly placed, they promptly tell you to stick in up your yoo-hoo. Me wonders if that is the same tone they use when they bless the sacrament on Sunday? Hmmmmm.

I try to be a law abiding citizen. I have no criminal record to speak of, well, not since that incident with the lama and the 10lb block of ice was all cleared up; and I am the first to say that nobody is above following the rules. So when I moved into my new apartment, the first thing I did was go down to the office and get a parking permit, which I displayed in the correct spot on my windshield. Little did I know that my car was about to explode and require a new engine. $2000 dollars later, I will be living off of packets of ranch dressing mix and faith for the foreseeable future.

Fortunate for me however, my parents were able to loan me a car while mine sits in the shop awaiting its new engine. And since I am a rule-following enthusiast, I made certain that the first thing I did when I got home was to get a temporary pass for my loaner car. As far as I understood it, the pass was good for the month of July, and I proudly displayed it in my window and promptly forgot about it, until this morning when I can down to go to work and there sat a giant yellow boot on my car.

I of course immediately called Parkway Authority, which is the company my complex uses, and informed them that a mistake had been made. I told them that I was a legal resident of the complex and that I had a temporary pass that should have protected me from such actions. The man on the other end seemed like he cared as much about my situation as a man does about women's book clubs.  He, in essence told me that the pass was only good until the 7th, that it is my fault if I didn't understand the terms, and that I could take the matter all the way to the chief of police for all the good it would do me. I was shocked not only at his callus tone, but also his utter and complete lack of interest in understanding the situation.

It is not as if I am some homeless person who has chosen to squat in their complex. I am a RESIDENT here. I pay RENT. My rent and the rent of my fellow students is what keeps this place running. So now, I have a question for all you students out there....Why do we continue to put up with this?

There are plenty of housing complexes that choose to not hire these companies or enforce these ridiculous and frankly pointless parking restrictions.  I have lived in them. They are called "Grown Up Housing", and I can assure you, there has never been an issue with finding a place to park. I have never had to fight off a band of traveling Gypsy's who have parked their caravan for the night. I have never have my car broken into, and I have never felt unsafe while walking through the well lit lots. 

These "security" companies are a joke and a scam.  The only time you see them is when they are booting cars, so don't tell me they are there for my protection. They are there to boot cars and make money off of one of the poorest demographics in the country. There is a reason we are called "starving students".

So now I would ask, what are we going to do about it? If you feel, as I do, then I believe that we need to make our voice and opinion known. The issue is, when you try to reason with either party, they will place the blame and power in the other parties hands, as I discovered today. When I spoke to the complex office they seemed sympathetic but claimed the best they could do was to send an email to Parkway Authority. Though, they couldn't even say if it would do any good. What? Are you kidding me? You HIRED this company. They work for YOU. And as such, if you tell them you have forgiven the mix-up then they should be racing with wings on heels to remove the boot. But no, apparently their hands are tied, and the same with the booters. Clever little white witches. So ultimately what could I do? I payed the fine so that I could have a vehicle to get to work to in the morning. But this is far from over.

Morally, I don't know how these people can be ok with what they are doing. They claim they are simply enforcing the rules of the complexes. Sure, and the German soldiers were only "following orders". I know it's a dramatic comparison, but I hope you get my point.

At what point do we stand up and say This is not Ok? When will the student population rise up and refuse to live in complexes that hire such integrity void companies. I know there are a million stories out there like mine, and I want to hear them. And maybe, just maybe someone out there who has more clout than I, will read this and have compassion on the extreme injustice that is being enacted upon this vulnerable demographic.

If you agree, please forward this to your friends, family, and particularly other students. Nothing may come of it, but then again, it might. It has to start somewhere.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

First Blush

Let's be honest. I don't have much in the way of shame. I mean really, a girl who willingly titles her blog Diaries of an Anxious White Mormon Virgin? Who's bright idea was that? Oh wait...that's right.

And so long as we are being honest, I should probably mention that this title even gives me the "Ummmmmmm......k's" when I really think about it.  I know what I was going for, and I feel like I achieved it. I wanted something catchy and something that would make a person laugh and say "What the heck?".  Even though I will more than likely never gain any mass fame from this, I am proud of my little blog and grateful to those of you who are VFL's (Virgins For Life), meaning you have read every post from the get go, and I am grateful for the BAV's (Born-Again Virgins), who may not have kept up with me in the past, but who are resigned to be faithful followers from this moment forward. I am also grateful for the EV's (Experimental Virgins) who may not be sold on me or what I have to say just yet. And yes, I am even grateful for the VH's (Virgin Haters), who have kept me humble while simultaneously providing me with blog fodder.  You are all very much appreciated. I also appreciate when you advertise me to your friends and family via Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and so on. Though I must say, I was ill-prepared for the promo moment I received quite recently.

A few nights back, I had the opportunity of attending a backyard concert in which two of my friends were performing.  They are both amazing artists and I thoroughly enjoyed the nights entertainment.  Like many functions I attended, this one was geared towards single Mormons around my age.  I, being single and alone, showed up at the concert, single and alone. There I sat on my little blanket on a beautiful summer night as I listened to the first of my two friends perform.  I had recently become acquainted with this gal through my side project http://www.theculturalhallpodcast.com/ .  She and I are both hosts of the podcast and I find her a delightful, beautiful and talented woman.  Tonight, was the first time I got to see her show off her musical abilities, and she did not disappoint.  Then, during a break between songs, she asked the crowd, "Do we have any single ladies out there?" This of course was met by a few hoots and hollers, and then, to my total shock she added, "I know we've got an anxious white virgin!" At which point she promptly turned and pointed directly at me.

I can count on one hand every time I have literally blushed in my life.  I have made a total fool of myself on stage before without even so much as a feminine pink-a-ning, never mind a full blown scarlet blush.  So when I felt my face begin to grow warm, I knew that I was experiencing a true moment of embarrassment. You could just hear the snickers and "Hu's?" ripple through the crowd. And though she made sure to add the web address where they could learn more, I don't know that it served to change anyones mind about me being a possible sex worker.  In that moment I thought..."Hmmm...maybe just maybe this was an ill-conceived title in a few critical ways".

Afterwards, my friend apologized about a million times for calling me out, and I assured her that I wasn't upset with her in the slightest, which is total true.  She did nothing wrong. Who knows, maybe my viewership will grow from this free publicity. As funny as it sounds, it actually felt nice to blush. It means I still do indeed have some amount of shame left. And even though the second of my two friends that were performing that night later remarked to me that he had a personal aversion to the word "virgin", I think I will keep the title for now.

Best part of this story; 3 min before she "called me out", a guy I had dated very very briefly once many many years ago came and sat down by me on my blanket. He seemed perfectly content to stick around awhile, that is until I got my shout out and the entire crowd knew that he was associating with an Anxious White Virgin.  I didn't see him again the rest of the night. Strange.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Whoa There!!!



You know, perhaps it is naivete on my part, but I never considered when I began this blogging journey, that the day would come that it would bite me squarely where the sun shineth not. And yet...here we are!

APPARENTLY, my last post was too harsh to the men folk without given enough blame to the ladies. I have received several emails, (all from men), informing as such.

I knew I should have written under a pen-name. Stupid! Stupid!

Let me say this, for those who have followed my posts from the get go, you know that I have on more than one occasion, been an outspoken advocate for men, particularly good men who are trying to deal with crazy fickle women. Indeed, I am the first to admit that I am ashamed of my gender at times. The cattiness and lack of loyalty that women seem to posses in spades amazes me at times. This is part of the reason that I can honestly say I prefer the company of men. There are maybe 3 women in this world that I legitimately trust. The rest...well...I'm just waiting for the other glass slipper to drop.

I realize my last post was geared towards the men folk, but for the love of Pete, be patient. I will get to the women. If you want me to address something specifically that women do, then I will need more than just a general "When are you going to talk about the girls part in all this?". That's a titch vague. I will be more than willing to explore any specific avenue my readers think I am neglecting. I am actually look forward to it!

On a more personal note.

I recently received a text from an unknown number. The text read as follows:

"So I finally got around to reading your blog, and I found it hypocritical. The real problem is that when I asked you out, you lied and said you had a boyfriend, which I later found out wasn't true. What's up with that?"

Even after repeated requests, this person would not reveal their identity. Gotta love technology. Now we can all be passive aggressive jerks in the safety of our own homes. TWO can play at this game! MMwwwaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!..........*ahem*........let us examine.

"So I finally got around to reading your blog"

Me: Happy Face!

"and I found it hypocritical"

Me: To be fair, I freely admit to being a hypocrite. We ALL are. Sorry to burst your bubble. Though it would be nice to know what exactly I am being hypocritical about so I can work on it.

"The real problem is when I asked you out, you lied and said you had a boyfriend"

Me: Oh I SEE, it's not that I am a hypocrite, or that you don't like my blog, you are mad because I politely and earnestly told you I wasn't interested in dating you. By the way, I am assuming I met this person within the last 2 1/2 years......during the same 2 1/2 years that I have been in an on-again off-again relationship. Which, by the way, is extremely personal. What I choose to share and not share about this relationship on this blog is my prerogative.

"Which I found out later wasn't true"

Me: From who?? The Easter Bunny? My Mother? Or do you mean what you think you were able to deduce from reading my blog which I have clearly stated is in part, satire? It's called creative writing. All rights reserved. But just so we are clear....

My blog is about my life, and nothing I write about my life is made up. If I am writing about feelings, then I have actually experienced those feelings. If I am writing about people in my life, then those are real people. However, I love and respect these people enough to A: Keep their names off of the Internet and 2: Add even ambiguity that people will have a hard time connecting dots all the way back to them. For example, I may say "I dated a guy awhile back", leading you to believe it was way in my past, but in reality, it is a guy I dated very recently. This is not always the case, but I do what I can to protect the privacy of those who I love.

Ironic final note. I replied with a text similar to this explanation and quickly received the reply (still with no name):

"Oh, OK, sorry about that. Just so you know though, I'd be a *&^% good cuddle buddy and a ^&*% good boyfriend".

Yeah......I'm going to go out on a limb here and say a passive-aggressive anonymous blitz text attack probably isn't the "best" way to win the girls affections.



Monday, July 2, 2012

The Doctor is IN




I know I have been a little...let's say "heavy" lately; SO! Today I would like to start off with a joke.


What do you get when you cross a 29 year old serial-dating-though-as-of-yet-un-married-white-Mormon-virgin and drop her into a student housing complex where the average age is between 19-25?


Any guesses?


The answer is you get an on-call dating expert who seemingly has all the answers to whatever ails you...datingly speaking.


See, told it was a joke. And yet, I'm not even close to kidding.


After having several casual conversations about dating with the kids in my complex and more specifically, in my LDS singles ward, I quickly came to discover that what I considered to be "common knowledge" when it came to dating was in fact....not. Not with this crowd anyway. And so the questions began to pour in and I became a sort of dating guru. The wise old virgin who has been there and done that, well not that, but still very wise....apparently.


Silly trusting kids.


In all seriousness though, I have noticed a few disturbing trends when it comes to the way these young people are attempting to "date". I have placed date in " "s because what they are doing in no way, shape, or form resembles anything I would qualify as dating. That being said, for the purposes of this post you may now refer to me as Dr. ANW Dating Expert Extraordinaire as I attempt to shed some light on the subject. You wanna know why you are still single my young friends? I will tell you.



The Doctor is now in.


You are still single because you are not dating. You are not dating because men aren't asking the women out on dates. The men aren't asking the women out on dates because the women aren't demanding that the men do so in order to spend time with them. Instead, there is a pernicious culture of "the hang out" going on round these parts.


I have 3 words regarding this approach....What the HELL????


Let me lay out a "normal scenario for you and then you tell me why it is so seemingly impossible for you to follow suit.


You meet a girl at church or school or the gym or AA or whatever. You find her attractive. You strike up a convo. She responds positively and returns the volley of light banter. You find her intelligent enough, engaging enough, intriguing enough, and then........YOU ASK HER OUT.


"Oh no!" you say, "I couldn't do that!", to which I reply......Ummm......Why not? To which you reply, "Because I don't even know if I like her yet." To which I reply....Well, isn't that why you ask a person out? To get to know them and see whether you like them or not? To which you return with, "Yes, but I don't want her to get the wrong idea." To which I return a what-the-crap expression and say....And what wrong idea would that be? To which you immediately reply, "That I am interested in her." To this I reply with a palm slap to my own face followed by a slow drag downwards.


Oh how I wish I was making this up. Unfortunately, I have had similar conversations with more than a couple of young men. They don't want to ask a girl out on an actual date because they claim it gives the girl the wrong idea about his intentions. Apparently, when you say to a female, "Would you like to go out on a date with me sometime?" she takes that innocent invitation of casual interaction, filters it through her crazy-o-meter and interprets it as, "Will you marry me?"


One of two things is going on here. Either the women of Utah county and the church at large have become so desperate (at the age of 21) to be married, that they have quite literally lost their minds. I rule out nothing, however, more than likely what is really happening here is that these guys have found an ingenious way to date without dating, saving them time, money, vulnerability, and let's not forget, effort. Keep in mind, a lot of these guys dedicated 2 full years of their lives to serving a proselyting mission in places from Kansas to Outer Siberia. Explain to me, if you will, how it is that you can dedicate 2 YEARS to teaching the gospel, complete with having numerous doors slammed in your face (i.e. rejection at its best), and yet you are rendered incapable of asking a woman to spend one-on-one time with you?


Lest you think me biased, I presented Exhibit (A) EVERY chick-flick or epic love story ever told. I'm fairly certain that none % of those captivating tales of wooo-age started off with something akin to ....."Hey, me and my roommates are going to hang out in our apartment tonight and watch *insert Disney movie here*, if you wanna hang out".


Notice, there isn't even a real invitation in that sentence. If you wanna hang out is not the same as saying Would You Like To hang out. If their passive is covered in passive. Good grief.


Let me make this simple. Real men ask women out. Little boys have play dates and dance around the issue and try to shirk their rights as men to hunt! BE MEN! HUNT! Hunt like God intended you. Let me put this in guy speak.



1. Identify your target

2. Separate her from the herd

3. Take her down!!


If she says no, repeat the process till you find one who doesn't.
If you are worried about not being able to afford it, suggest a walk in the park or a dollar movie, or night in WITHOUT the roommates.
If she tries to start planning the wedding after one date, do not ask her out again, for she is mad.


Now go forth my sons and be not afraid of being the men that you seem to have forgotten that you are.


That will be 5cents please.