Saturday, November 17, 2012

Why Animals are NOT Role Models

"You and Me baby ain't nuthin' but mammals so....." what?

A little while back I took a course in Formal hurt my brain. But one of my favorite parts about the class was learning about all of the fallacies that people use when they are trying to argue their point of view.

According to Wikipedia (the giver of all knowledge) a Fallacy is defined as:

"In informal logic and rhetoric, a fallacy is usually an error in reasoning often due to a misconception or a presumption. Some so-called fallacies are not rhetorically intended to appeal to reason but rather to emotion, or a more nuanced disposition. An informal analysis of rhetorical patterns in fallacies should not be confused with rigorously formal arguments in logic, because rationally persuasive arguments require neither to be successful."

There are a laundry list of Fallacies out there which are fascinating to learn, however I have found that people are rarely impressed when you point out that they are employing fallacy in their logic. 

That being said.....

I'm getting just a wee bit irritated by people who like to justify Human behavior simply because this same behavior can be commonly observed in the animal kingdom.  

Now I don't know if this fallacy already exists...but if not I would like to name it The Nature Fallacy...and I would now like to show exactly why this argument is complete and total bullshit.

Let's first start with an example of my oppositions argument:

"Biologically speaking...most animals are not is ridiculous to presume that Humans should be expected to be monogamous."

This is a classic one right? And in a makes sense if you totally shut off your logically thinking mind when you hear someone say it.  

If I may, I would now like to counter this argument with my own using a list of common occurrences we can easily observe in nature. As you read these examples, I would ask you to consider the argument from the other side and ask much weight does that hold now? I like to call it:

The Messed up Crap we Observe in Nature:  

1. Many female and MALE species of insects, scorpions, and craps (to name a few)...we engage in what is known as Sexual Cannibalization before, during, or following sex.  That's heard me. 

Imagine if you will...

You are just an innocent Praying Mantis minding your own business when all of a sudden some hot piece of green starts giving you the come hither look. You, being an attractive and capable young male Mantis who's sole interest is in the preservation of your own species, decide that this little lady is in desperate need of your love juices and so you oblige her request for a little afternoon delight.  But just as you conclude giving her (arguably) the best 37 seconds of her life (which is relatively short to begin with) you are shocked and horrified to realize that instead of offering you a smoke, she is instead consuming your face.  

"Well that's a fine How-do-ya-do!"

Imagine this practice taking place in the Human world. It does. We call it Cannibalism...and as I come to understand it...."But Your Honor....Insects do it all the time!"  has never got anyone off the hook for making a meal of their mate.

Recall if you will a one Jeffery Dahmer....

Now I here what you are saying....You are saying Come on insect is nowhere near a human and therefor you can't really compare their behavior to our own. If you are going to make a viable argument then you need to pick an example that has a brain larger than the size of a grain of sand.

All right then!

2. How about THIS guy?

Adorable right? AND!!! is widely accepted that Dolphins are one of the more "human like" creatures in the world as far as intelligence and emotional aspects. 

But did you know........

That there is research out there to support that Flipper here has been to known to Kill other creatures simply for the sport of it? That's right...our friendly fin(ed) friend here KILLS FOR FUN.

Need I say more?

There are humans out there that kill for sport....

No....not those humans...But kinda...actually....Meh... I digress

I'm talking about those messed up individuals who actually go out and kill just for the sake of knowing what it "feels like" to kill someone. I am not going to post any real life examples...We all know an example...I'm not going to give those people any more press.

Now...even though I have given you several viable examples as to why we ought not look to the animal kingdom as a example of social propriety or decent human behavior...I can still tell that there are a couple nay sayers out there that are still not convinced. You think that in order to make any kind of REAL case for my argument I need to use an example of a creature who is one evolutionary step away from driving cars and drinking Star Bucks....

Very well then.....May I present my 3rd and Final example:



Never trust a Species that throws its own Feces....Need I say more?

Look to our tree swinging ancestors my friends....they will lead the way into the new age of enlightenment.

Try this tactic in the boardroom next time the business negotiations aren't going you way....and be sure to let me know how it all turns out for you.

I rest my case. 

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