Sunday, January 6, 2013

Seeking Peter Pan...With a Beard

They say that age is just a number.

THEY.....are right....and wrong.

I am a walking contradiction.  From the time I was very young I have been told I have an "old soul".  I have been spouting profound whatevers since the time I could talk...apparently.  I have always felt more comfortable with people older than me. That is to say, I always enjoyed the conversations I could have with them more.  For some reason, I have been an adult in my mind since before I can remember. Ironically however, my body decided that it never wanted to grow up.

I believe that we are what we think we are. I also believe that we can believe that we are what society tells us we are. In this way, we are an ever evolving combination of self-fulfilling prophecy and socially constructed institutionalization.

With that in mind....I think of myself as a child still and therefore act like a child in many ways because in my mind, I have not as of yet reached a point in my life where I have had need to do or believe otherwise. To add a atom bomb to this fire, I have been blessed with a unique genetic heritage that has caused me to remain physically frozen at around age 21.....sometimes people still ask me where I go to high school.

Poor me right?

Well yes...and let me give you one example of why.

If you are a normal functional and stable human being, you tend to be attracted to people who are around your same age. 8 year olds get crushes on other 8 year olds and people in their 30's tend to date other people in their thirties. When I was 16 I thought George Clooney looked like an old man....and I still do.  Though my appreciation for a more rugged looking man has increased tremendously. However...whereas before I would have only been attracted to the pretty-boy baby faced boys...I am now attracted to the pretty-boy baby faced men....who can also grow facial hair.

SO! Here is the problem.

When I go out or to a singles ward or to school and I am getting hit on by guys who are on average at least 3 to 5 years younger than me. Why? Because I look to them like I am probably 2 to 3 years younger than they are. My Ex is 5 years younger than I am. When I met him I was 27 and he was 2 days away from his 22 birthday.

For some guys, knowing how old I am is a turn off.....but this has not been the norm. Most young guys (shockingly to me) don't seem deterred by the fact that I am older.  They still want to date me...and I often times will accept their invitations. I have found that my physical/sexual mind has not as of yet caught up to my emotional/intellectual mind.

Now let's be clear....I'm not driving by the local high school or junior high and picking out my future husband.  I am not and I repeat NOT sexually attracted to little boys, teenaged boys, or any title really that you end with boy.

I like men.

 But I do tend to date younger looking men, maybe because I myself look very young and genetically speaking I am looking for someone who matches my own reflection of youth so that we can breed super babies who turn 21 and then cease to age.

I don't know why I feel ashamed about this... I mean...nobody bats an eye when a girl marries a man who is literally old enough to be her father...or even grandfather. But for some reason, if an older woman wants to date a younger man then she is seen as a sort of emotionally unstable individual with obvious "daddy issues" who would be better served to get into some counseling and then go find a man her own age.

Here's the thing though....I have dated men my age....I have also dated men who were 10 years older than me....AND I have also dated men who were up to 6 years younger.  I can honestly say that there are pros and cons to each of these scenarios.

What I love about younger guys, for example:

Their Humilty
Willingness to be flexible
Zeal for life
Sweet and UN-cynical attitudes
And absolute adoration

Seems to get a little lost the older they get.

Older guys have been there done that and probably ran a marathon while they were there.  Older guys...and older women as well...tend to be a bit more set in their ways and less willing to compromise when it comes to relationships.  They have been living their life, their way for so long that it is hard for them to even want to mess up the flow of the everyday in's and out's. Also...and I know I'm gonna get slaughtered for saying this....but IN MY OWN BIAS EXPERIENCE....it seems as if that the older guys get (and probably women too) the more bitter and jaded they become about the opposite sex and finding a companion.

This may not be true in other parts of the country or world where people wait till they are a little "older" to get married. But I do believe that this is exactly what happens when "past your prime" occurs at the tender age of 25.

Seriously?

I want to be so stupid giddy about the guy that I end up with that it makes me smile just to think about him. And I want him to feel the same way. I don't want him to feel like he made a "logical" choice in marrying me, the same way he made a logical choice in buying that used Honda. I acknowledge that one must not live on hormones and butterflies alone, but that has got to be at least a part of what is driving you to be with one another.

Also, I am not saying that two "older" people can't have this kind of experience. What I am saying is that if you are bitter and jaded as hell about love, romance, relationships, and yes...even fairytale endings...then it is going to be pretty durn difficult to conjure up the kind of earth-shattering emotions that I believe are requisite for at the initial stages of courtship.

If you are unimpressed by life in general....*been there*......if you are cynical about love....*dated that*...then how the hell can you ever expect to find someone who is going to move you to the point of wanting to write epic love rock operas?

 Life without reason is chaos, but life without passion is dry toast.

I may act a bit strange for someone my age...some might even say it's unseemly for a woman of my age to do a lot of the things I do...including dating younger guys. But all I can say to that is this...while age is just a number...it can also be a pigeon hole that we force ourselves into. 

So what does it mean to be 20? or 30? or 80? ....what do these ages look like? What do they sound like? Are we merely parroting the archetypes of those who have come before us? What if my 30 is your 20 in some ways, and my 20 will be your 80 in others?

If I were to write a personals add for the guy I am looking for it would probably go something like this....

80 something in the mind and 20 something in the flesh unconventional star gazer seeks an old soul of the like to enjoy deep probing conversations and fart jokes.  Seeking a traveling companion for whom the world is not a frightening place, but just many great adventures that are yet to be had.  Musical abilities will be given special consideration. Must love dogs.

Be ye 20 or 30 or 173, age is what you say it is, and the perfect companion is someone who your soul recognizes first and then in whom your mind and body feels compelled to follow.

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