Over the years I have run up against (And Given) many different and creative excuses for my poor behavior in my dating interactions. I have consulted with friends and family both married and single and asked them to give me their favorite or most often heard excuses. Just for fun-zies let's explore some of the top excuses yes? And maybe we can even cut through some of the bull behind them. In no particular order:
1. "You deserve someone way better than me."
Ok, Ok....I have to admit, I have used this one before, and honestly, at the time I meant it...well kind of. There have been times that I have said to a man, "You deserve someone better than me", but I what I really meant was "Oh please for the love of grapefruit validate me!!! Tell me that you love me!!! Tell me that you think that I do deserve you." However, this is not normally how this excuse is used.
Normally when people say this line they are just trying to make you feel better about yourself...as they rip your heart out and show it to you before you die. But aside from being insanely pandering, this excuse is just ridiculous. Here is why (among many other reasons).
Everyone wants to feel like they married up. Some people spend their whole lives trying to date someone "outside of their league". So when someone says that you deserve better than them, they are essentially placing you outside of their league...which we have just determined is what everyone is pretty much striving for. Now, if they were to say, "I deserve someone way better than you", then I would accept their rejection and thank them for their brutal honesty and their ignorant opinion.
Side note: This is not an Excuse per say, but it is one of my BIGGEST break-up pet-peeves EVER. I totally get what they guy is attempting to do when he says the following, but it makes me so mad that I just wanna go all Hulk on him...Can you guess what I'm talking about?
"Gee, You are just such an Amazing girl. Whoever gets you is going to be the luckiest guy in the world."
Anger...rising....urge to kill...increasing....Probability of rant....Immanent!!!
What the FLUFF dude??? What the freaking fetcha-ting FLUFF???
I don't care if you legitimately mean it....DON'T SAY IT.
2. "Life is just so Crazy right now."
Bull. Bull Bull Bull Bull Bull.
I have never met a single individual who has ever been SO busy or had SO much going on their life that they weren't able to make the time to pursue someone they had Legitimate interest in. I may not be popular for saying this, you might disagree, but the whole "I'm just super busy" line is in my opinion, complete and total Horse Spit.
I dated a guy once who's job was mining gold OFF OF THE OCEAN FLOOR. I met him 2 weeks before he left to Alaska for the next 5 months. We never even got to go on a physical date before he left. But he was apparently so smitten by our brief ten minute encounter that he made it a point to remain in consistent contact with me from the time he left to the time he came back. This included the time when he borrowed a friends phone so that he could call me to let me know that he has lost his own phone while 4-wheeling in the Alaskan Wilderness. And yet....I have had guys with perfectly functional phones and fully functional Facebooks and fully functional cars tell me that they were legitimately too busy to contact me.
Too Busy simply means Too busy for YOU.
We all have busy lives, I get it. We all have a million and one people, obligations, dramas, deadlines, and stuff constantly vying for our attention. Because of this reality, we have all created our own personal Hierarchy of Priorities as it were. This is where you rank your priorities from most important to "I could really care less". For me, the person in my life who I have become romantically involved with, sits at the top of my priority hierarchy (within healthy reason). Whereas making sure I remember the garbage mans birthday would fall somewhere near the bottom. This is not to say that I hate the garbage man (or garbage lady), or that I don't appreciate what they do; it simply means that I only have so many hours in the day and so much energy I can devote to the people in my world. I have never NOT made a guy I was legitimately interested in a High Priority in my life...He knew it, and my actions confirmed it.
So again, even though I know I am going to get people who argue with me on this one, I am just going to go ahead and say that if someone tells you that they are legitimately into you, but then also tells you that they are Too Busy to give your relationship the priority that could be expected by most rational people...There is something afoot. AND!!! if on the off chance that they just so happen to be one of those people who thinks it is normal or acceptable to operate on a constant level of half-assed...I would suggest you decide whether that is a level you are comfortable with and then proceed with caution.
3. "I just got out of something and I'm I'm just not ready to jump back into something just yet."
Beware the word "Just"...it is a softening agent...it is a stall....it is intended to create an illusion of a future that more than likely doesn't exist.
As many of my readers know, my 3 year relationship ended back in January. To me, even 5 months later (after 3 years) could easily be considered "Just". Now granted, for the first couple of weeks after it ended I was pretty much a wreck. I could barely get myself to school everyday much less devote any energy to finding a guy. I pretty much had given up in spectacular fashion, but I still took the time to try and retain my civility and a certain amount of grooming so as not to offend the masses. And wouldn't cha know it?....Less than 3 months later along comes a cute guy who happens to have been crushing on me all semester and has finally decided the time has come to ask me out. At first, I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if I was ready to start dating again, to open my heart to someone again, to go down that road again, but I said yes anyway. Turns out, I actually ended up liking this guy quite a bit, and quite quickly as well. Here is the thing about broken-hearts and getting over someone....there are no hard set rules, and more often than not, the heart once broken is healed by the appearance of a new love. Ebb and flow....circle of life...blah blah blah.
Everyone mourns in their own way and on their own time. NORMALLY the people who legitimately aren't ready to date DON'T. These people are either A. Not asking people out ..or B. Not excepting dates. C. Accomplishing both of these tasks by sitting in their dark room watching every season of Toddlers in Tiaras on Netflix (Stop judging me) while they gently weep into their huge pilla'.
For everyone else, it might be true that they are still reeling from a relationship gone awry...but they are merely waiting for someone to come along and make them forget about old what's-their-face. So if someone asks you out, takes you on several dates, and THEN tells you that it's just because they just got out of something that they are unwilling to move forward with you....Feel free to point out to them that this makes just about as much sense as saying you are hungry, eating food, eating food again and again, and then claiming that you had the flu 3 months ago and you are just not sure if you are really ready to start eating again.
New found love heals old wounds and we WANT to be healed. We are just picky about Who we want to heal it. If someone uses this line on you...chances are you are not the one they want to do the healing this time.
Well that was fun yes? Maybe we will do a couple more next time? Good day to you then. I said GOOD DAY!!