Friday, July 5, 2013

Who are You???

I was at a party a little while back and a friend of mine went to introduce me to another girl who I had never met before, but before he could say my name she blurted out, "Oh I know you, you are the anxious white virgin". I was stunned. I asked her how she came about my blog and she said that a friend of hers had recommended it. This friend happened to be male, attractive, and attending that same party......he never introduced himself. This girl then went on to make the statement, "I feel like I already know you, I read your blog all the time and it seems like you are going through a really hard time." And then she added, "You know, you aren't at all like I expected you would be." 

Errr??? Mayhaps she expected me to be Taller? Shorter? Smaller boobs?? 

Nope, turns out she expected me to be a lot more solemn and negative, and the fact that I was engaging, bubbly and sociable threw her for a loop. Apparently, if one's only exposure to me is my blog, then one might have the tendency to form an idea or image of me that is in one sense true, and in the other sense extremely lop-sided . 

People are like this I think. We are none of us entirely good or entirely bad, and depending on the day, our mood, and whether or not we have eaten recently, the impressions that we give off might not be an accurate representation of how we are most of the time, or who we believe ourselves to be.

I do think there are people who live in a state of total delusion about who they think they are, and the impression they believe they are giving off, versus who they actually are and the impression they are actually giving off.....But even that is in the eye of the beholder. One man's witch is another mans wife, and it is very easy for us to sit on the outside looking in on the gingerbread house and asking ourselves why the poor guy is failing to see the witch that stands before him.

From all I can tell, I am starting to believe that there is no such thing as an absolute reality when it comes to a person. Well, let me rephrase; there might be an absolute reality, but nobody is ever going to see it or get it spot on.  By this I mean that who you are to me, and who I am to you, and what those relationships mean, are entirely left to the interpretations of the one having the experience.

To the girl at the party, who's only exposure to me were my blogs, she formed a very real idea or interpretation of the kind of person I am, right down to way she imagined I would dress and act at a party. When confronted with the "reality" of me, she found it difficult to compute the two contradicting ideas in her mind. 

As I have stated before, this character, this girl who speaks on these posts, she is me, and she is also not me. She is the part of me who thinks things to death and then thinks about them again. She is the part of me that LOVES a good story and happens to believe that she isn't too bad at telling one. She is the part of me that needs her ideas to be heard, to send them out into the ether. She is the one writing the story that would be my life, were my life to be made into a movie. 

And I think we all know what makes a good story...Drama, mystery, intrigue, love lost, humor, irony, emotions that we relate to, and yes, sometimes even the raw stuff that we would rather keep hidden.

I am this girl, and the stories I tell are true, but keep in mind, these are only stories seen through the eyes of a girl who is in fact writing the stories, writing her own reality......

Or at least one version of it.

What story are you writing ?


  1. I have read many of your posts, and though I don't know you, I have never thought of you as being solemn or negative. I think you sound like you would be a fun and happy person. I am glad to hear you are indeed engaging, bubbly, and sociable.

  2. Thanks Ninja! Guess it's all in the eye of the beholder yeah?

  3. I can attest to your being charming and engaging in person. Sometimes I wonder what random readers think of me after reading my blog, but as yet I haven't run into any of those people.

  4. Interesting, I also read your blog a lot (as of recently) and I assumed you would be a super outgoing, awesome, funny, nice, good friend to have! And I still think you probably are. Maybe because I relate to every thing you write about, and I am pretty sure I always agree with you. And I'm an outgoing person!
    Anyway, thanks for all your posts, they're very enjoyable to read and always offer a good perspective, and if anything make me feel like there is someone out there who has similar ways of thinking to mine.
    I know if I lived in Northern Utah we'd be friends!

  5. Speaking as a 30 year old white Christian virgin, I have tremendous amount respect for you and your blogs. I still struggle with the idea called love because i truly never been in love. I have lot of respect for Mormons and I plan in 9 months to move to Utah. Maybe I will find God again. You guys are true more "Christian" then the so called "Christian" down here in the South. People pick in about my high valves and standard when its come to women. They either call me scared or I am not a man. I just have to write to tell you that!